This Sequel Really Sucks!
by Kenny's SpaceCadet
Summary: Pip and Damien are back! And are they in for an adventure this time. Follow the "not-really couple" as they deal with Unresolved Sexual Torment, getting kidnapped by 'Sadie,' and a new friend who might want to be more than just friends with our dear Pip..
1. Unresolved Sexual Torment

Hey guys. I'm back. Hope you don't think it's just another stupid overkill of a sequel. I know you all can't get enough of Pip, right?

Go to my profile to read the first story. If you want to, I mean. You don't really have to. You probably should, since you won't have any idea of the things I will probably reference to if you don't, but you can live in confusion if you'd like. Confusion is always fun. Pip knows this.

Thanks to Akatsuki Feathers‏, for encouraging me to write the sequel. :)

**Disclaimer: **... I... d... o... n... o... t... o... w... n... i... t...

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**Chapter 1 – Unresolved Sexual Torment**

Damien was the son of Satan, and as the son of Satan, he often bragged of knowing all of the ropes to torturing lowly humans into insanity.

First of Hell's commonly implemented techniques was piercing the body and drawing blood in some way. A demon would simply take an ordinary household item, such as a butter knife, and do some extraordinary things to the victim that just weren't meant to be done with a butter knife. Other devices include, but aren't limited to: razors, bayonets, glass, scrap metal, and rods. The main purpose for this torture is to make the prey scream for mercy. It really helped that in Hell, one was already dead, so the torture any person received could be taken to the most extreme measures possible, as death was not a possible outcome.

Another form of torture was the widely recognized use of water droplets dripping onto the forehead in rapid succession for sustained periods of time in order to induce hysteria. This method is known to most as the Chinese Water Torture. It is a fitting name despite the fact that there is no actual proof of the Chinese using this tactic. Demons liked to use this after inflicting pain, in order to get even more entertainment as they watched someone who was already insane from pain go even crazier.

One of Hell's favorite tortures was burning the tortured victim. It was quite possibly the easiest way to torment someone in Hell, as the fire was already everywhere and there was no difficulty in tying someone up and sticking an important body part into any one of the raging fires that were common on street corners. This method was commonplace among married couples who wanted to settle arguments.

Damien, however, had seemingly developed a new and improved form of torment, that wasn't so much physical scarring as it was emotionally troubling. It was worse than any beating, any stab wound, or any amount of water. It was worse than being cooked in the most sizzling fires of Hell's depths, or being forced to scream for mercy. Damien, who bragged about all the types of torture he was familiar with, had secretly come up with one of his own, and he tested it out on Pip every chance he got.

At least, Pip thought it was torture. What else could it have been?

"So, Pip. How's life _coming _for ya down here?" Damien asked, a sly smirk adorning his features. It wouldn't have been so bad of a comment, if Damien had not come up from behind him, wrapped his arms around Pip's skinny waist and put his hand close to Pip's crotch when he said, 'down here.'

Pip's entire face flamed. Damien always made Pip feel like such a flamer with the way Pip's head filled with blood every time Damien was near.

"I-It's going good," Pip replied shakily, trying his best to get out of Damien's embrace. He didn't like getting so close to Damien. Damien made his whole body heat up in a way that wasn't supposed to happen, and Pip didn't like it.

"Really now?" Damien was now twirling a bit of Pip's hair in between his index and middle finger. "You like it?"

Pip KNEW that Damien was asking if Pip liked it in Hell. He KNEW that Damien only said things that sounded sexual like this to get him riled up. Pip KNEW he was just taking it the wrong way, and that Damien didn't mean it any more than he meant the rest of comments – they were a way to get Pip distracted, and when Pip was distracted, he was most likely entertainment for his dark friend.

"Er, Damien, could you please…" Pip couldn't finish his comment, because Damien had put his mouth close to Pip's ear right then, and said, "What would please you, my friend?"

_It would please me if you would just stop playing mind games with me! _Pip thought to himself.

Living in Hell was like paradise for the Brit. It was like, Cartman on ecstasy while eating Cheesy Poofs. It was the first place Pip had ever really been able to call home. He was able to do what he wanted, whenever he wanted, wherever he wanted, and not worry about getting beat up. It was like being on The Whimsical, only knowing that the feeling was going to last forever. He didn't even have to worry about the demons' torture, because he had been made 'off-limits' to any person in Hell who wanted to harm him. Pip was free as a bird, and free of the fear of being alive. (Not that he was really alive, but that wasn't the point.)

However, there was one factor that got in the way of it being absolutely flawless. And that was the fact that the relationship between Damien and Pip wasn't quite cut and dry like a normal couple's relationship would be. Damien and Pip didn't kiss tenderly or go on dates. They didn't whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears. They didn't buy anniversary gifts, because they didn't really have an anniversary. In fact, Pip had the sneaking suspicion that he and Damien weren't even a couple at all.

It was obvious, not only to Damien, but to everyone around them, that Pip had an all-consuming attraction to his hellish friend. And, if you were to watch them, you would think Damien was equally as attracted to the poor British boy.

Pip didn't think it was possible, however. All the flirting, all the innuendoes, all the hair twirling… it was all to make Pip nervous. It was all to keep Pip under Damien's thumb. Damien touched Pip, and Pip melted into a little pool of hopeless sexual attraction, while Damien just laughed. Pip didn't understand how Damien could even want to touch him at all, so it was hard to comprehend something as irrevocable as Damien ever wanting to have sex with him.

Pip had actually talked to Sarah about it before. Pip didn't quite trust her, but the way that she put his and Damien's relationship into perspective was too clear to just set aside:

"Look, Pip. You're confused. You can't understand why he wants to touch you. Well, listen here. He _doesn't_ want to touch you. He's doing it to make you edgy so that you won't tell anyone his secrets. It's a simple strategy – he makes you nervous, which leads to you fearing him, which leads to you not talking to anyone about his most deep and secretive feelings because you're afraid of him. So, you should probably get those secrets out into the open before he makes you too afraid to tell anyone… c'mon. I won't tell anyone else. It will just be for safe-keeping." Pip had then told Sarah that Damien sometimes fantasized about having sex with an octopus, so Sarah had sent Damien a demonic squid for his birthday.

Pip didn't tell her any more 'secrets' after that.

Still, though. Besides Sarah's obvious ploy to get Pip to reveal undisclosed information about his friend, the whole theory made sense. Damien probably just wanted Pip to be scared by him. It might not have had anything to do with secrets, but Pip was pretty sure that Damien could get nothing out of Pip besides a fearful servant or something. Damien wouldn't want Pip as a boyfriend. _I know he CAN'T really want me… no one could REALLY want me… jeez. I really need to stop being so presumptuous. I will stop thinking people want me from now on!_

He got a message from God the next day. Dear Pip. I appreciate you having low self-confidence, but stop letting Sarah tell you lies. You're smarter than that. Love, God.

Pip didn't know what to think of anything anymore. When he went to sleep that night, he woke up with Damien spooning him in an uncomfortably hot way. Pip could have dealt with it (Damien was warm and comfy, after all.) But there's a difference between warm and blistering hot. Warm was Pip waking up in a bed with his best friend holding him in a way that was comforting. Blistering hot was Pip waking up in a bed with his best friend holding him in a way that was comforting. Naked.

Ever since then, he just didn't know how to deal with the Damien situation. He opted for just letting his friend have his way with him, because it was easier than putting up a fuss. It wasn't like Pip didn't really want it. He just wished Damien wanted it the same amount as Pip did.

This was life in Hell for Pip. Being sexually tormented and confused by his best friend, Satan's son, and sleeping comfortably and peacefully with no worries about if he'd wake up in a puddle. Sometimes he woke up with Damien naked next to him, but he just tried to brush those times off. Damien must get hot in Hell too, so there was no reason to wonder if he'd taken off his clothes for a different reason.

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I've got a plot sort of mapped out in my head. So I at least kind of know where I'm going.

BAHAHAHAH. My favorite line in the entire short little chapter was this: "Damien always made Pip feel like such a flamer with the way Pip's head filled with blood every time Damien was near." HAHAHAH that can be taken in so many wrong ways.

Er. Review, I guess. I have no idea when I'll next update, or what the next chapters will have. Maybe people will like it though. Whoo.


	2. Pip's Still Confused And Pretty Retarded

**Disclaimer: **I owned South Park once, you know. I was just a wee 5 year old, back in 1997 when the show first aired, but I came up with the original idea. I had heard that there were these two guys, Matt and Trey, who had no real successes and were really not known for anything at all, so I decided, "I have this great idea for this show called South Park. I am going to send it into these nobodies so that they can make it famous!" And so I did, and South Park is now one of the most watched cartoons on television. And here I am, 11 years later, sitting on my cheap, broken laptop, writing fanfictions about it. Go me.

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**Chapter 2 – Pip Is Still Confused And Pretty Retarded **

Ever heard of the routine? It goes something like this:

1. Wake up.

2. Shower.

3. Get dressed.

4. Make breakfast.

5. Go to school/work.

6. Come home.

7. Make dinner.

8. Watch TV.

9. Sleep.

Pip knew of the routine. Most of the kids back in South Park followed this routine during the 'off-season,' when nothing extraordinary was going on in the town. Cartman was definitely the most avid supporter of this routine, although he added about three extra numbers for snacks.

Pip had his own routine down in Hell. It went something like this:

1. Wake up to Damien rubbing off on your leg.

2. Shower.

3. Get dressed/Hope that Damien is not watching.

4. Eat breakfast specially made by John Lennon (who was shaping up to be a pretty good housewife, much to Damien's glee).

5. Go hang out with Damien somewhere in Hell, making funny faces at dead dictators and Egyptian pharaohs and stuff.

6. Come home, exhausted. Damien is usually still rubbing off on your leg. (If you didn't come home, skip to number 10. Don't worry; even if you didn't come home, Damien is still rubbing off on you.)

7. Eat a dinner specially made by John Lennon. Generally consists of packaged Hamburger Helper. John is too lazy to cook at night.

8. Sit around and do stuff with 'family.' Scrabble is a common pick.

9. Try to sleep, but have difficulty because you're too caught up with Damien hugging you all night.

10. Alternately, if you never came home, you are somewhere with Damien, doing something you probably aren't supposed to, involving Nerf guns and toy soldiers. Damien will try to make it sexual, and you will attempt to ignore him. Then your little party will be attacked by wild bears, and Damien will gallantly save you. He also touches your ass a few times while holding you bridal-style. You ignore. You're still ignoring. Well, maybe it would be better to just give in to the feeling…

Pip had a hard, hard life.

Pip tried to pawn off Damien's behavior as mere habit. Perhaps Damien was just a flirty character at heart. But… nah, he didn't act like that with his friends Joseph or Henry. He was a lot less touchy-feely with his two fag-hags Mary and Diana. He pretty much avoided Sarah like the plague, but when they were together, Damien had stopped flirting with her like he used to. In fact, as far as Pip could see, he was the only one who Damien ever touched.

Pip wished with all his might that he had someone to talk to about his confusion. However, he was so afraid to bring it up with any of the adults he knew, because they all knew Damien well, and might find Pip's attraction insulting. He would try to bring it up with God, but he knew God was much too busy to work on his relationship problems. And though he wished it weren't true, he didn't have any other friends. He felt utterly alone, and wished he could do something about it.

One day, as Pip was strolling through a burnt up looking park in Hell with the undead dog named Scruffy that Damien had found him, he came across a familiar face that he hadn't seen for a long time.

"Children, is that you?" asked the large black man who went by Chef.

Pip grinned. "Hello Chef! It's me, Pip Pirrup!"

Chef's face lit up with pure joy. "Why Pip, how great it is to see you! The only one of the South Park children I ever see is Kenny, because he dies so much… hey, wait a second!" Chef's grin vanished. For a split second, Pip was sure it was because Chef had never liked him, and didn't want to talk to him anymore. "Does that mean that you died?! How in Hell did you die?"

"Oh, well, I didn't really die," Pip said casually. "I just wanted to come here."

Chef was looking at him with a dubious expression. "Pip, no one just wants to come to Hell. People are tortured here. At least, when the demons aren't completely baked… haha. Baked. Get it? Because it's Hell, and there's fire everywhere… anyways. I'm serious children. You can't have just wanted to come here."

"I did! I came with Damien. And Satan made me off-limits to anyone who wanted to torture me. So I'm perfectly safe here," Pip said with a cheesy smile.

"With Damien?" Chef didn't look convinced, so Pip gave a shortened description of what had occurred several months earlier.

"And then I ran out of the ship after planting the bomb. Everyone said I saved the day, but I'm not sure… anyways, then as soon as we got back to Earth, Damien asked me to come live with him, because I had no other friends or family," Pip finished. Chef eyed him, bewildered and obviously not quite sure that Pip wasn't completely insane.

Finally, Chef concurred, saying, "Weirder things have happened in South Park than an assassination attempt on God's life." Chef then went on to ask him how Hell was going so far, while leading Pip and himself to a nearby bench. Pip shooed away the gross bugs that had inhabited it before answering.

"Oh, it's just spectacular!" Pip said once he'd sat down properly. Pip then let his mouth fly about all the freedom, about being allowed to walk around without fear of physical pain, and about how his 'family' actually enjoyed being around him.

"Oh, except… well, never mind," Pip said hastily. He didn't want to push his problems onto Chef, who was probably bored out of his mind hearing about Pip's life already.

"What is it Pip? Is something the matter?"

Pip shook his head. "I'm fine. Nothing a little bit of thinking can't handle…"

Chef put his arm around the back of the bench. "You can talk to me about anything, children. I love listening to your guys' pointless problems."

So Pip explained his problem with Damien's flirting. "Like, he told me one time he wanted me to be with him forever, but I'm still not sure… because I mean, he never actually asked me out. We're like, a not-really couple. Except, I don't flirt back… wait, I totally forgot, you might think gay people are stupid, I'm sorry!"

"No, no, gay is okay as long as you're not sticking anything up MY ass," Chef assured. "Listen Pip. If he's flirting with you instead of with anyone else, and he told you once that he wanted to be with your forever, that's a pretty damn good indication that he wants to be your boyfriend."

"But Sarah said…"

"Wait, hold on a second. Who's Sarah?"

Pip grimaced. "She's Jesus' annoying daughter. And she guaranteed me that the psychological reason that Damien does it is to gain control over me, and inflict fear, because it makes me so nervous."

Chef sighed. "Wow. Well, here's my advice. Fuck psychology. People do what they want to do, when they want to do it, and they tend to try to not do what they don't want to do. If Damien really didn't want to flirt with you all the time, he wouldn't. It's as simple as that. He could 'inflict fear' in you with all the demonic torture devices that are down here, but he doesn't, right?"

"It is like a torture device!" Pip protested.

This made Chef laugh out loud. "It's shaping up to be a kinky relationship then, Pip."

The look on Pip's face was enough to send Chef into another fit of laughter. "Now, now, Pip. If it really bothers you so much, then why don't you ask him to stop?"

"Because I don't want him to stop!"

Chef rolled his eyes. "You teenagers are so damn confusing! If his flirting is torturing you, then you should want him to stop. Obviously, if you don't want him to stop, then what he's doing to you is something other than torture."

Chef then excused himself, saying he had to go meet his girl Shaniqua in Hell's Kitchen, the restaurant. "I'm gonna make some sweet love down by the fire tonight, Pip!" Chef said with a chortle. "See you later, children. Good luck with your Damien issue."

Pip sat on the bench, holding Scruffy's leash loosely while he thought about what Chef had said. "People tend to try to not do what they don't want to do," Pip said, repeating Chef's words. "I guess he's right. Damien could instill fear in me so much easier than with sexual torture… so what the Hell is going on between us?"

Pip was not ready to accept that he and Damien were a couple. Pip had never even come close to being a boyfriend before, so it was the most difficult thing in the world for Pip to accept that yes, he was really in this situation.

"Alright. So, it's not about control. Maybe, it's about something else!" Pip mulled over his thoughts. He'd taken a psychology class freshman year, and even though he'd spent most of the class in detention, he had retained some of the information he'd learned about sex relating to psychology.

One thing that popped up clearly in his mind was the idea of sex being used as a method of forgetting about one's own life. There were people who literally had sex with others so that they could feel worthy, and so as not to have to worry about actually fixing their problem of worthless feelings. Pip gasped. "What if Damien feels that way!" he said to Scruffy.

Pip looked over to the undead dog, hoping to get some sort of response, only to realize that the dog had surreptitiously slipped away while Pip was pondering everything. Pip could have hit himself on the head, he felt so stupid.

* * *

"What the fuck do you mean, you lost Scruffy?!"

Ah, a typical before-bed discussion in the shared room of Damien and Pip. They were both standing, in front of the bed, and Damien had just been about to take off his pants when Pip had burst out about losing the dog. Pip glanced up through his bangs and then lowered his eyes again rapidly, not daring to actually look at his enraged not-really boyfriend. "I-I'm sorry!"

Damien heaved an irritated sigh, and started pacing around the room. "Only you, Pip, would lose an undead dog while walking him ON A LEASH. My fucking God!"

Pip tried to will the tears away, but he was finding it difficult when his mind was filled with images of Damien's angry face. He didn't need to look at his best friend to know exactly how Damien's features contorted when he was pissed. "I'll buy you a new one!" Pip emphatically promised.

"There isn't money down here!"

Pip gulped. He fidgeted, staring at his shoes intently. "I'll do anything to make it up to you!" Pip swore.

"Er… it was your dog… I got it for YOU." Damien sounded a little bit less angry now.

Pip was shaking. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" was all he could say.

Damien sighed again, only he sounded more resigned than irritated this time. "Look, it's not a big deal. I'll find you a new one. Let's just go to bed, alright?"

Pip nodded, then scuttled promptly into the bathroom where he let the tears that he'd been holding in out. He sniffled for a moment, and then washed his face with warm water to wipe away all the evidence. After straightening out his light turquoise pajamas, and walked back into the bedroom with dignity.

Damien was already underneath the covers. Pip hesitated after he closed the door. He wasn't sure Damien would want to be near him right now. But what was Pip supposed to do? Sleep on the floor? Maybe Damien wouldn't even want Pip in the same room. Perhaps he should go sleep on the couch or something.

When Pip had stood worrying for more than two minutes, Damien finally said, "Are you gonna get in bed or not, you stupid gaywad?!"

The word cut into Pip's heart, and he felt the tears coming on again. He was thankfully able to crawl below the comforter without sniffling. He hadn't realized Damien was quite so angry with him. _I suppose I deserve it. I lost a present that he spent so much time working on getting for me. I can't even die to get out of people's ways now, because I'm already fucking dead. I suppose I deserve the guilt for being dead too. _

The two were silent for a couple minutes. Damien didn't make a move to touch Pip, and Pip was obviously not going to try to make a move on Damien. Pip was certain that if he so much as tapped Damien on the shoulder, Damien would yell at him again. He didn't want that. Pip hated it when Damien yelled. It was better to just let Damien sleep it off, and then Pip would just apologize again the next morning, and everything would be good.

After a few minutes had passed, however, Damien rolled over and put his arm overtop of Pip's skinny frame. Damien and Pip were now flush against each other, with barely any space left between them for comfort. "I'm sorry I called you that," Damien muttered.

"O-oh, that's alright," Pip replied. He had tried to keep his voice from cracking, but unfortunately, he hadn't succeeded.

"No, it's not. Did I make you cry?" Damien's thumb came up to Pip's cheek, where a stray tear was inching downwards. "Oh God, Pip…"

Pip wiped his face hurriedly. "I'm sorry, I won't cry anymore, I promise!"

Damien buried his face into Pip's blonde hair and said, "It's alright to cry. I wouldn't be mad about that. Especially not since it's my fault anyways. I shouldn't have called you a gaywad. God, if you're a gaywad, then I'm like a fag rubber-band ball." Pip hadn't the slightest idea what Damien was talking about, but he was grateful for the apology nonetheless.

"Don't worry. I'm fine," Pip replied.

"And I called you stupid too. I feel like such a douche. You're not a stupid gaywad, Pip. I promise. I was just being an asshole dickhead to say that to you."

For a few amazing moments, Damien and Pip laid in silence, Damien stroking Pip's hair comfortingly. Pip loved it when this happened. Though they rarely ever happened, the times when Damien was gentle with him were the best of their times together.

Then Damien tactlessly ruined it, and said, "I do know a way you can make-up for the dog, though."

"Uhm."

Then Damien latched his hand onto Pip's ass and said, "I'm sure I can make a better use of your hands than having you hold onto a dog leash," Damien whispered deviously.

Pip mumbled something about being tired. But much to his anxiety, Damien decided that Pip's ass was his, even in Pip's sleep. Pip struggled with his emotions, and found it increasingly difficult to pinpoint why exactly this felt _good._

_He's doing this to forget about his own life, Pip, _Pip thought intently to himself. _Don't go thinking he cares or anything!_

But the longer he lay wrapped up in Damien's embrace, the more his doubts began to fade.

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Aww. How cute and adorable.

The story won't be all fluff. But expect more adorable scenes like this. :)


	3. Take A Break On Wednesday

It only took me like ten thousand months to get this up, lol.

I'm getting a little braver with the, uh, "romance" scenes hahah. Tell me whether or not this should be upped to M based on what transpires in this particular chapter…

**Disclaimer: **I disclaim my ownership of the television production dubbed South Park. Or something along those lines.

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**Chapter 3 – Take A Break On Wednesday**

And so, after that strange night in which Damien called Pip a very unkind name indeed and then made up for it by grabbing Pip's ass, Pip and Damien's relationship-type-thing had elevated to a level Pip was extremely pleased with. He took Chef's advice, and decided to fuck his fear and call Damien his boyfriend inside his own head.

It was difficult for Pip the first time he decided to try this. He woke up one morning with Damien's arms around his waist and Pip said to himself, "If this guy isn't my boyfriend, I don't know what it even means to have a boyfriend!" Pip tentatively called Damien that inside his own head for the day, and by the end of the day, he felt better than he normally ever did. That night, when both boys laid down on their respective sides of the bed, Pip initiated contact with his kinda-sorta boyfriend (he'd reached his hand over and grasped Damien's tightly) and Damien had been all too pleased to respond by pulling Pip into a full-body hug.

From then on, the physical contact between the two boys increased ten-fold from what it was before. If Pip had thought Damien touched him a lot THEN, he wasn't even slightly prepared for the way Damien was handling him NOW.

Pip eventually even managed to work up the courage to ask his somewhat-boyfriend on a date.

It was actually _Jesus _who had encouraged Pip to step out of his comfort zone. "Pip, if you don't take the risk now, you are going to regret it for a LONG time," Jesus had warned when Pip casually mentioned that maybe he and Damien should go on a date. "You'll soon realize that sometimes, the greatest risk in life is not taking any risks."

And so Pip executed a perfectly formulated plan of action. As he and Damien were laying down in their bed, snuggled up all cozy and warm-like, Pip stuttered out, "D-Damien, there's a cool band coming t-to the R. M. Nixon Big-Ass Concert Hall. Y-ya know, the Pradators."

"Yeah."

"…yeah…"

Silence.

"Did you have a point, Pip-squeak?"

"Well, maybe we should go see them."

Silence.

"Or we could just stay at home if you wanted," Pip muttered. "I was just wondering if you wanted to because I know you have their CD, with that one song 'Through The Burning Hell Of Fire, Flames, And Too Many Solos' that you listen to all the time so I thought maybe –"

"Pip, my dear, are you asking me on a date?"

"I don't – I mean, not… er…"

"Sure we'll go. Although my favorite song by them is actually 'These Nine Thousand Dollar High Heeled Stilettos Were Made For Walking.'"

* * *

The Pradators' concert ended up being a raging success, as far as Pip and Damien's relationship went. The impromptu date sparked a progression of multiple romantic outings between the awkward pair, which included but was not limited to a visit to Sea World, a few classic movies with dinner, and a romantic walk around the esteemed Birkenau Park. Pip had actually done a bit of puking during the latter date, but it had been romantic nonetheless.

However, all good things come to an end, and Pip was about to find that out the hard way.

It all started one morning when Pip walked in on Damien showering.

Not that this was necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, as Pip would have really enjoyed the show if Damien hadn't noticed he was there. Unfortunately, Damien DID notice, and demanded that Pip join him.

So, for the first time so far in their relationship, Damien and Pip got naked together.

It was the most awkward experience of Pip's life. It was worse than when Mr. Withers' girlfriend had shown up during one of Pip's lectures. It was worse than when Pip had walked in on Satan and John trying out S/M. It was worse than when Pip had walked in on DAMIEN trying out S/M… by himself.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Damien asked. It was one of the few times Damien had spoken and actually remained serious, for which Pip was eternally grateful. He could not have handled it if Damien made this situation into a joke.

"Er, n-not really, I mean…"

"Shh," Damien whispered, coming closer to run his fingers through Pip's still-dry hair. "It's okay."

Pip shivered, not liking how much he was liking Damien's fingers on him while he was _naked. _"Damien, I don't…" Pip breathed.

"You don't?"

"What are we doing?"

"Gettin' close," Damien said back cheekily as he stretched his arms around Pip and loosely hugged Pip's shoulders. Pip didn't miss the hungry stare that Damien had started to harbor, or the fact that Damien's eyes very obviously were trailing or had already trailed all over his naked body in a shameless fashion. It made Pip shiver, even though the water pelting down on his back was warm.

"You don't like me looking atcha?" Damien said with a smirk. It was a smirk that meant, 'you don't like it but I'm gonna do it anyways, whatcha think of that?'

Pip shrugged, all too aware of Damien's hand which had left Pip's shoulder blades and was now tracing the small of Pip's back. "I'm just a little shy," Pip finally replied.

This caused Damien to actually laugh out loud, although Pip noticed with resentment (or was it joy?) that his hand had not retreated from the suggestive position on his back. "You? Shy? I never would have guessed."

Pip blushed. "Don't make fun of me," he protested. He started to feel awkward, since his hands were hanging limp at his sides, but he didn't move them.

Damien continued to rub, before finally saying in a gentle voice, "I don't know what you have to be shy about."

This threw Pip for a loop if he'd ever been thrown. Nothing to be shy about? _I'm scrawny, short, blonde, covered in scars, and only 4 and a half inches. I measured! How can I have nothing to be shy about?_

"Are you blind?" Pip responded, subconsciously determined to prove Damien wrong.

"I think I'd kill myself if I were blind, because then I'd never get to see you!"

What a cheesy line.

"I'm not really good-looking at all. Maybe you're having sick fantasies about a really hot guy and have forgotten what I look like?" Pip suggested.

Damien's hand grasped Pip's back tightly when Pip said this. "You dumbass. You're the best looking boy I've ever had the pleasure of seeing."

Pip shrugged, feeling the confidence that he knew Damien was trying to instill in him slip away when Pip said back, "You're only saying that because I'm letting you see me naked." Pip did not know why, but he felt a compelling urge to deny Damien's kind words. _I can't go thinking that I'm special or anything, right? _It was like an instinct beaten into poor Pip to not let anyone tell him he was great or handsome or anything. It was this insane intuition, sown and inflamed by every single hurtful word ever thrown at him, to _not be amazing._

_Because I'm not._

However, Pip's words caused Damien to pull away, and suddenly Pip was wishing for his boyfriend's arms again. _Silly me. I don't really deserve that anyway, if I'm not amazing. _

The rest of the shower was spent in relative silence on the outside. Inside, though, Pip was in utter turmoil, feeling so guilty and so low about himself for what he'd said. He'd caused Damien to not even want to look at him.

_Of course not. It's cause I can't do anything right, and when you let people know that you can't do anything right, they realize it, and then they don't want to hang around you anymore than you want to hang around yourself._

* * *

It was all too clear that the shower incident was not the only time Damien would get annoyed with Pip for displaying his lack of confidence, but rather, the first of MANY times. It seemed that every day after, Pip found himself saying something that caused Damien to throw his hands up in the air and say, "Ugh!"

Pip tried to make it stop. He tried really hard not to beat himself down in front of Damien. But the more times he accidentally slipped up, the guiltier he got, and the likelihood of him spewing a random self-deprecating remark just got higher with every fresh pang of guilt.

Pip knew his self-esteem problem hurt Damien. However, he hadn't expected that what happened on that Wednesday would have happened just because he didn't feel good-looking enough.

It was just a normal Wednesday, and Pip and Damien had been enjoying a walk on a nearby trail. Well, actually, neither of them had really been enjoying it. Pip didn't know what was wrong with Damien, but Pip knew that he had been spending the entire time going over every little thing he said so that he wouldn't mess up and say something mean about himself.

Conversation was short and clipped, and altogether, it wasn't very much fun for either party.

And then it happened. Pip, in all his ungainly grace, had managed to trip over his own feet, and fell face-first into the dirt path.

"Pip! Are you okay?!"

Pip felt himself being helped up by Damien's warm, soft hands, and sighed contentedly. "No, I'm fine," he replied once standing, and he smiled warmly at Damien. Damien smiled back. Life was good, life was great, life was…

And then the word vomit came. Pip knew he was going to say it; he tried to swallow his words, but the climbed determinedly up his throat, unwavering in their goal of mucking up Pip's relationship. "God, there wasn't even anything there to trip on. I'm so stupid!"

Damien's smile waned, and Pip knew that he had yet again managed to make Damien sad. "No, wait, I didn't mean to say that, it was an accident, I'm sorry!"

Pip tried reaching for Damien's hand, but Damien pulled away. "Damien…"

"Pip, I can't do this anymore!"

…_wait, what?_

"I can't take it! No matter what I tell you, no matter how much I love you, you never listen! I tell you over and over how damn amazing you are, and how beautiful you are, and how much I want to fuck that sweet arse of yours, but you just don't listen! It's like my words mean nothing to you!"

Pip blushed shamefully.

"I'm tired of having to reassure you over every little tiny thing about you. Look, Pip. You. Are. Everything. To. Me. I can't spell it out any clearer than that. And if you're not going to listen, if you won't believe me, then… maybe I should just stop telling you."

Pip really didn't like where this was going. "Damien…"

"I think… Pip, I think we should take a break."

* * *

**TBC**

Holy shit! Bet you guys didn't see _that _one coming!! MUAHAHA. (But I did. It's all part of the plaaaaaaaan :P)

Don't worry. The plot thickens even further next chapter. Haha. Sorry if you guys are all looking for fluff… this story is going to more dramatic than fluffy I think this time around. I've actually got an entire idea going, and Pip's problems have only just begun…

If it keeps you reading though, there's gonna be a happy ending. And if that doesn't keep you reading, then… uhm… well, I guess you should just stop reading! :D


	4. Sadie

I was just reading over all of my reviews for Pip Really Sucks! And I was feeling incredibly motivated, not to mention really loony because you guys left me the funniest reviews for that story.

Anyways, I'm inspired to continue this story now after getting past the Hell that was Chapter 3. lol. That was so hard to write, probably one of the hardest chapters of anything I've ever had to write. But I finally have Pip and Damien sort of where I want them and the story can now continue as it was originally planned!

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Sadie **

To say that Pip was sad would not have been completely accurate. Pip wasn't necessarily sad that Damien had broken up with him. No, Pip was more along the lines of absolutely, 100 percent, sobbing, crying, completely utterly heartbroken. He was the biggest mess he'd ever been. Not even when he first started living on the streets had Pip been so entirely miserable.

Damien had 'moved out,' so to speak. After coming home, the really-not-really-couple had finally not really been a couple anymore when Damien muttered that he was going to take his stuff to one of the spare bedrooms. In the timeframe of merely one hour, Damien had packed up his life and left Pip all alone.

Pip spent most of his time crying, locked away in the room. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid. _I knew it wasn't going to last! _Pip thought, unhappily vindicated. _I knew he'd get sick of me at some point or another. Everybody does. But… no one's ever lasted as long as he has…_

Living in the house was starting to become awkward. Pip was the least confident he'd ever been in his entire life, and was convinced that no one in the house would want him there now that Damien didn't want him anymore. A couple weeks after the break-up, he'd gone so far as to pack up _his _stuff and get ready to leave, and was very close to doing it when Damien unexpectedly stopped him.

"Where exactly are you planning to go?" Damien asked, leaning against the doorframe casually. His sudden appearance scared Pip, who flipped around jerkily from where he had been folding some clothes.

"I don't… just… anywhere," Pip muttered.

"Why?"

Pip didn't have the strength to fight the water in his eyes when he said, "Because no one wants me here anymore!"

It was the sound of utter annoyance that Pip cringed from. "Pip, you're a downright fool. Of course people still want you here. I still want you here!"

"No you don't," Pip argued. "You don't even want to be in the same room as me. You barely look at me!"

Damien then exploded. "Pip, do you think this is how I want it to be?! Do you think I want to have to avert my eyes just so that I don't do something I might regret!?"

Pip took it the wrong way. "I-if you wanted to beat me up so bad, you don't really have to stop yourself, you know… I'm used to it…"

"GAH!! You're so Goddamn oblivious!" Damien walked into what once was their shared room and slammed the door. "Did I not make it clear that you're my world, and that I still want you!!"

"Well when you DUMPED ME I kinda figured it meant you didn't-"

"You're such a shithead!" Damien pushed Pip up against the wall, trapping Pip with his arms on either side of Pip's little blonde head. "Do you want me to fuck with your head? Do you want me to kiss the shit out of you right now, and then ignore you tomorrow? Huh? Cause I can do that, if that's what you want me to do!"

Pip hadn't ever seen Damien quite this angry. "I-I'm sorry-"

"And here you are, apologizing like it's your fault YET AGAIN! You're such a fucking dipshit! I can't stand you!"

"W-what!?"

"I can't stand being around you; it hurts, do you know that? I couldn't stand you before! I couldn't stand watching you beat yourself up every second, as if you're your own replacement for the bullies who I thought we were leaving behind when we came here! I can't stand watching you hurt yourself, and I can't stand that no matter how much I try to make you happy you're never happy!"

Pip thought that that was a little too much. "What do you mean, never happy?! I was perfectly happy until you left me!"

"YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY REASON YOU THINK I WANT YOU IS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!"

Pip's comment about Damien only happy because he was seeing Pip naked flitted back through his mind. "Damien, I'm not-"

"And I'm not a fucking therapist!" Damien continued. "I can't fix your problems! My love is all I have to give to you, Pip, and that's obviously not fixing anything!"

"N-no, you fixed everything…"

"I fixed nothing! You're exactly the same as when I first met you over a year ago. You're a sad, pathetic little boy who can't understand when someone is trying to love them, and who doesn't want to understand! You do everything in your power to make sure that you're miserable all the time, because you don't think you deserve to be happy!"

Pip was struck silent at this. Did he do that?

"And Pip. When you're not happy, I'm not happy. And as much as I wish you could be happy, I'm not _making _you happy. Every single second I spend with you is harder than the one before, because every single second I'm with you I get unhappier than I was before. What's the point of making myself miserable by staying with you, if my presence isn't making you any happier?"

This filled Pip with shame. His presence had actually been hurting Damien! _No wonder he doesn't want to be with me. I wasn't making him happy, I was making him miserable. _Pip started to cry.

"No, wait, Pip, don't cry… Agh." Damien leaned his head on the wall right next to Pip's left ear. "That's not… this isn't how I want it to be…"

"No, you're right, if I was just making you sad there's no point for us to have been in a relationship," Pip muttered.

"I shouldn't have been so harsh," Damien said softly.

"It's okay."

But it wasn't okay. Pip was a wreck, and he knew it.

"Pip, I just want… I want you to love yourself."

Pip vaguely wondered how he would ever love himself. All he'd ever done is muck up. But he didn't voice his thoughts. He knew they'd just make Damien mad now.

"That's why we can't be together anymore," Damien whispered. "You need your own time to work yourself out, because when you're with me, nothing is ever going to change. I am going to continue to enable you to be the way you are now, and you're going to continue to be unhappy. In the end, we'll both be miserable."

Damien trailed his hand down Pip's cheek lovingly. "I want you to be happy. Got it?"

Pip couldn't bring himself to agree. How was taking away the person he loved the most supposed to make him happy? It didn't make sense. Damien wasn't making any sense.

"I'm so sorry," Damien whispered, kissing Pip's forehead. "I promise, everything will be okay soon. But you can't leave here. I want you to stay. You don't have anywhere else to go."

"Well, I could find somewhere… it might be easier for both of us if I was just out of sight, you know…"

"NO! Stay here!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you!"

Two pairs of eyes connected; one pair of confused, glistening orbs and another of pure love, but a resignation to misery.

Damien placed the chastest of kisses on Pip's lips, and then walked out of the door.

* * *

Pip felt an emotion after their 'discussion' that he'd never felt towards Damien before; in fact, it was an emotion that he almost felt he didn't deserve to have towards anyone.

He was pissed.

Nothing had prepared Pip for the impromptu break-up, and then Damien had had to go and say, "I love you Pip, but I'm going to leave you anyways." What an asshole! Pip was so angry, he couldn't even see straight.

Well, not that he ever saw _straight…_

He tried ignoring Damien. It didn't work, since Pip was so hopelessly infatuated that he couldn't bear being mean to his dark, Satanic ex-boyfriend. However, that didn't stop Pip from being even more angry. It also caused Pip to be angry with himself. He'd told himself many times that he just wasn't going to talk to Damien anymore… and then, he found himself looking for excuses to even make eye-contact.

It was so difficult. It almost seemed like Damien was making up bullshit excuses in his head to touch Pip also, and the mixed messages that this sent to Pip really fucked with his mind. Pip wanted to believe that _next time _Damien acted like his old self again, that he'd let Pip come back. But it never happened.

Pip felt like a lovesick dog, and just wanted it to end.

It was with this optimistic mentality that Pip decided to get out of the house for a while and try to meet new people. As much as it hurt to admit it, Damien had really been Pip's only friend who was 'his age' and he had no one else to talk to.

He tried going to the DarKcade Arcade. However, most of the boys there had been emo suicidal boys who'd killed themselves and really didn't want to have anything to do with Pip's blondeness.

"Oh, hello, are you playing Tekken?"

"Your preppiness is blinding me! Fuck off, you stupid prep!"

Pip had tried the gym, but found that the boys there had mostly all had steroid overdoses and didn't want to have anything to do with his scrawny self.

"What weight are you benching there?"

"Probably twice as much as you. Fuck off, tiny boy."

Pip next tried to go to the SCHOOL that people could willingly attend if they wanted to down in Hell. Pip had never liked school, but he'd deduced that if it was a school you willingly attended, most of the kids there would be nice, if not total nerds. He was wrong though, when it turned out that they all thought he was less as cool as them!

"Hey, do you think you could help me with problem 24?"

"Maybe your gay shoes could help you. Fuck off, freak."

And he'd almost set foot inside the sports store, but was called a fag before he even got in, so he didn't go in there…

Pip couldn't think of anywhere else that he could go! After walking around fruitlessly for a few hours, he found himself slumped in an open booth of a place called Hell's Café the 122nd. He swirled around the coffee that the redhead at the counter had given him and thought about his misery. Oh… what he wouldn't give to commit suicide. Maybe then everyone would be a little happier!

It was then that Pip heard something that he really hadn't expected to hear. It jerked him from his own self-induced misery when he heard, in the booth in front of him, somebody crying!

Pip, being his selfless self, immediately got up to see what was wrong. He came across a black-haired man, sitting in the red striped booth, crying his eyes out. His head was laying face down own his arms, which were clad in a brown jacket.

"Sir? Are you okay?" Pip asked. He almost hit himself for asking though, since it was pretty damn obvious this man wasn't okay.

The man jerked up. He was obviously Middle-Eastern, with his tan skin and moustache, and was definitely not Pip's 'age,' but looked congenial enough. "Oh… yeah. I'm fine. Sorry about that."

Pip smiled. "It's okay. Everyone needs to cry once in a while. Do you want to talk about it?" Pip didn't even think of the repercussions of letting a stranger talk to him about their problems until after he'd said it, but figured there was no way back now.

The man gestured across the table for Pip to sit. "It's heartbreak!" he said, starting a rant. "That asshole totally ditched me! I was doing everything for him, and giving him good sex, and all that stupid shit that gay men want, and then he went and didn't stand up for me! It was the end of my world. It's been a few years, but I just can't get that asshole off of my mind. I miss him, but at the same time, I just want to make him pay!"

Pip felt he could understand this man very well! "I know what you mean! I am having that exact same problem! Well, minus the sex part… but still. I was in a relationship too and then he left me and told me it would be good for me if he left. I am so pissed off!"

The Middle-Eastern man's face lit up. "So you know what I'm going through!" His voice was nasally but Pip thought him nice enough.

"I think I know exactly what you're going through! I'm Pip. What's your name?"

"Oh… you can just call me Sadie."

Pip smiled. "It's so cool to meet someone who understands. I was going around to a bunch of places where people were and no one even wanted to look at me today…"

"Awww," Sadie cooed. "Why not?"

"I dunno. They think I'm a freak and that I'm really scrawny and faggy…"

"Awww," Sadie said again. "I don't think you're a freak. I think you're really cool! And besides, nothing wrong with being a fag, right?" The Middle-Eastern man grinned.

Pip blushed, and stammered out, "Oh, well, uh, cool…"

Sadie laughed. "You're so sweet. You wanna tell me more about your boy troubles?" the older man asked.

"Uhm, sure. Well, basically, my boyfriend left me because I didn't love myself enough."

"Why would he go and do that?"

"I dunno. He said that he just wants me to be happy, but I don't understand how Damien can expect me to be happy when he's the person I care about most and he leaves!"

"Wait… did you say Damien? The son of Satan?" Sadie's eyes had grown considerably more interested.

"Er, yeah. Why?"

"N-no reason. Go on."

"Well," Pip said, "That's basically the whole story. I am just really angry with him. I feel bad for being angry though…"

Sadie shook his head. "Don't feel bad. It's okay to be angry at people who are complete ASSHOLES to you, right? I know I am! We can be angry together, huh?" Pip didn't miss the slightly sinister grin that had flashed on Sadie's face for a moment, but wrote it off as just anger towards whoever had broken up with him.

"Sure. That'd be cool."

"Hey kid," Sadie said, looking at his watch. "I have to be going. But, what say we meet here tomorrow? Around 1 o'clock or so?"

Pip grinned. It was so nice that someone could understand him! "Sure, Sadie. It's been nice talking to you!"

Sadie shook Pip's hand. He left with these parting words: "Don't worry, Pip. One day, our assholes are going to pay."

Pip wondered whether he should be worried, and decided not to be, as he sipped his coffee contentedly. After all, what reason was there to be worried when you've just made a new friend?

**TBC**

* * *

Alright. I am going to give 10 million cookies to whoever can tell me who Sadie is. I'll give you a hint – he actually WAS a real person… and he really is in Hell now… :PP

And don't worry if you can't guess it. His 'true identity' will show up sooner or later, since it's paramount to the plot.


	5. Damien Is Mean

Really, the chapter title says all.

**Disclaimer: **La historia de _This Sequel Really Sucks _no es mio. Es de Matt y Trey. Y no muy bueno en espanol.

* * *

**Chapter 5 – The Chapter In Which Damien Succeeds In Saying The Most Assholey Thing He Could Ever Possibly Think To Say To Pip And Sparks The Plot Of This Darn Story**

Pip met Sadie again the next day, just as planned.

It was an interesting meeting that the two had, but not in an undesirable way. Although Pip rarely had the chance to make friends, he was finding the meeting to be the beginning of what seemed to be an amazing friendship. Pip felt that he had finally met someone who truly wanted to get to know him – without wanting to get into his pants. It was a refreshing feeling, even though it was unclear as to why such an older man would want to spend time with scrawny Pip.

Pip subtly voiced this thought without meaning to – it was his unconscious self-hatred that made him do it. It had been as soon as they were getting ready to take leave of each other that Pip asked, "So, uh. I was wondering if maybe you, uh, don't have too much going on or something, if you wanna hang out with me tomorrow? We can do some, uh, adult stuff if you want. Like, reading Kurt Vonnegut or voting or buying cigarettes or something."

Sadie chortled. "Darling! Of course I want to hang out. And you're not too young to be my friend. Whoever told you that age matters was an asshole!" It felt so nice to Pip, to have a friend who wanted to hang around with him so unconditionally. It almost felt like a dream, but Pip knew that this was no dream.

So they hung out the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that too. They went out for milkshakes, went to a golf course, and saw Thantos Rising in theatres together. Sadie never made any mean comments or snide remarks as Damien seemed to be conditioned to do. It was yet another energizing aspect of this new friendship. Pip hadn't had a friend who was so unreservedly nice to him before, and found that he didn't know if he had a spot in his brain to contain all of the excited emotions that ran through him every time he thought about his time with the amazing Middle Eastern man.

Although it may seem odd that Sadie, a man who had died at the age of almost 70 years old, would be hanging around with Pip, the fact remains that in Hell, nobody really ages, so age doesn't matter. As Sadie so kindly pointed out to Pip when asked in further detail about the details of their odd cross-generational relationship: "The concept of age being an important detail in a friendship or relationship is a mortal bred idea stemming from the fact that a human will continuously grow and only has a short amount of time to do so. However, in Hell, you have limitless time to do your growing while your body doesn't change a slight, so in reality, age makes very little difference down here. Especially if you aren't a superficial bastard, like SOME ex-boyfriends seem to be…"

And so the crazy friendship thing continued on for more than a month. Pip found that the human ethic of 'respect your elders' just created massive boundaries between groups of people on Earth and that without the mortal society in play, things were very different. In reality, Pip and Sadie got along just fine without having to worry that on Earth, one was alive for over 50 years longer than the other. Sadie didn't care that Pip was a scrawny brat, and Pip didn't care that Sadie wasn't as limber as Pip might have been. It was the third invigorating piece of the new friendship – age didn't matter, and looks didn't matter. All that mattered was what was on the inside; Sadie seemed to be a most wondrous person on the inside, and made it quite clear to Pip that Pip was a most wondrous person on the inside too.

Damien started noticing Pip's excessive absences from the Satanic Mansion, however. Pip hadn't counted on Damien paying him any attention at all, but it seemed that Damien was doing quite the opposite. Every move Pip made in the mansion seemed to be being watched carefully, and Pip wasn't liking it one bit. The funky mixed-message touching had all but cease and was replaced with Damien just watching Pip, wherever he went, but giving Pip a cold glare whenever Pip noticed.

Damien hadn't ever really gone past watching Pip's every move though. Not until the day Pip got cornered right on his way out the door. Pip found it very unpleasant that Damien, the wonderful love of his life (not that Pip had ever found it in himself to tell Damien this, and now it was obviously too late), stayed as far away as possible from Pip except to play mind games with him.

"Uh, excuse me," Pip said shyly as Damien stood in front of the front doorway.

"Where are you going?" Damien asked.

"Out," Pip replied vaguely. "Uhm, can you please get out of my way?"

"Where are you going? Specifically?"

"What, are you keeping tabs on me in a file cabinet?" Pip asked snappishly. After their break-up, he had found himself being a lot ruder than normal. Perhaps it was Sadie's influence. Though Sadie was very nice to him, Sadie had few clean comments to say about anybody else…

"Maybe I am! Whatcha gonna do about it?" Damien asked with crossed arms.

Pip made to push his ex-lover out of the way, but Damien stood strong. "Get out of my way," Pip murmured, trying not to sound mean.

"Not until you tell me who you're going to go see!" Damien responded, obviously not trying to rein in his cruelty. His words were laced with anger and hatred. Pip visibly shrunk and lowered his head.

"I'm just going to hang out at the Hell's Café down in the square," Pip muttered.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be here," Pip said, a little more forcefully this time. He lifted his head back up. He didn't have to take this! He pushed past Damien and this time got through. Damien had no right to be an ass towards him and Pip wasn't going to let Damien push him around like this.

"Hey! You can't keep secrets from me forever!" Damien yelled as Pip walked with a head held high down the street.

Pip actually turned around at this statement. "You know what, DARLING? Maybe if you actually took some time to converse with me like you still thought I was a normal person instead of ignoring me constantly I wouldn't be so fucking sick of hanging around this place!"

"Yeah, well, maybe if you weren't such a whiny baby you wouldn't have guilt-tripped me into telling you that I loved you!"

Whatever Pip had expected Damien to say, that was not it. _What? But... no… _Pip's mind couldn't even formulate a coherent thought other than, 'don't break down in front of him! Don't cry in front of Damien!'

"…_guilt-tripped me into telling you that __**I loved you…"**_

"Well good! I'm glad you don't love me because I am so sick of you and your stupid self! I hate you! _I wish I'd never met you_!"

Damien slammed the door. Pip stormed off in feigned frustration.

Of course, less than a minute later Pip's eyes welled up with tears. He'd dealt with bullies. He'd dealt with Mr. Withers's injustice. He'd dealt with families that kicked him out onto the streets. He dealt with living in a box in an alley. He'd dealt with walking 3 miles to school every day, in the snow or rain or freezing sleet. But never had his heart hurt more than it hurt at this moment.

Damien didn't love him. Damien had never loved him.

**

* * *

**

"He did what??"

Pip blubbered the story again to Sadie. "And I, I, -sniff- I said the most terrible things to him! I said I was glad he didn't love me! And I said I was sick of being around him! I said I…" Sniff, sob, sniff. "I said I hated him!"

"As you damn well should" Sadie said, sounding frustrated. "That Damien is just like his father. Treats you nice when he wants something from you and then turns his back on you when you start demanding something back! You know what I'm saying-saying?"

Pip shook his head. "No, Damien was right to leave me. I'm nothing but scum!"

Sadie's eyes darkened. "Pip, don't you ever let me hear you say those words again!"

"He never loved me! He never wanted me! I was just guilt-tripping him like I always worried that I was!" Pip broke down into a fresh new bout tears at the Hell's Café booth, Sadie sitting across from him with copious napkins for his sorrows.

"Dear, Damien is nothing! He is just an egotistical maniacal bastard who deserves to rot in… well, I dunno. Heaven. He deserves the worst treatment of any creature for his terrible mistreatment of you! You deserve nothing but the best, darling."

"A-are you sure?" Sniff. "I… I said I wished I'd never met him…"

"And you know what? I think that was your voice-box talking to you! Your body knows that he's nothing but a traitor and a liar, and your body wishes it had never met him. I would say I wish you had never met him, but then I wouldn't have met you, so… but regardless. The fact remains Pip, that he is the one who doesn't deserve YOU. You did nothing but fawn over him and he turns around and leaves you! What a bastard."

Pip was privately thinking to himself that maybe he wasn't as selfless as Sadie was portraying it. He spent more time worrying about Damien leaving him than fawning over Damien's good health or spirit…

"Let's…" Sniff. "Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?" Pip said glumly.

Sadie sighed and placed a hand over Pip's warmly. "Dear, you are a wonderful person. Everyone goes through a bad break-up like this at some point, but you have to learn to move on. Damien may feel like everything, but he's not. He's just a person, like you, and though it seems like you're the one at fault, YOU'RE NOT. It's all Damien's fault. You should be pissed off as Hell at him and want revenge! Don't sit here beating yourself up over it – get revenge! Damien is not worth keeping happy anyways, that no good son of a super gay bitch."

"But, but, I have nowhere to go!" Pip started wailing again as the new thought occurred to him. "I can't go back! Not now! It'd be suicide! He'd kill me!"

"You're already dead, honey."

"…he'd roast me in a pit of eternal Hellfire! Which is worse than death!"

"Don't worry," Sadie said with a sigh. "He wouldn't kill you if you went back. He will more than likely just ignore your existence. But hey, if you can't deal with the environment there, maybe… I dunno, if it's not weird or anything to you… you could stay with me for a bit?"

Pip's eyes lit up. "Are, are you serious? You'd really let me stay with you?"

"Oh, gosh. It's not a burden or anything! It'd be my pleasure!"

Pip decided to overlook the sinister shadow that had overtaken Sadie's eyes. He would give Sadie the benefit of the doubt. Pip had probably just imagined it anyways, so it probably wasn't a big deal…

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

Hey? So, what do you think? This sequel is full of Pip/Damien drama lol. Sorry for it being kind of a short chapter, but it's better than nothing. Next chapter will be MUCH longer, I promise you darlings.


	6. A Million Dollar Mansion in the Rough

**Chapter 6 – A Huge Million Dollar Mansion in the Rough**

"No."

Pip was startled by the voice. It was Damien (or, as Pip preferred to call Damien in his head, Asshole) speaking. Pip turned around quickly from his place beside his own bed, where he'd been folding clothes and putting them into a suitcase.

"Since when can you boss me around, Asshole?" Pip asked snappishly. Damien seemed to be surprised at Pip's newfound confidence. Sadie had really been having an effect on Pip – Pip had grown a lot less wimpy, but had managed to pick up the attitude of a bitchy teenage cheerleader while he was at it.

Of course, Damien wasn't fazed for long. "You are NOT moving out!" Asshole (Damien) yelled while tipping over Pip's suitcase so that all the nicely folded clothing fell out in a heap. "I don't even know who Sadie is! You can't just leave to go live with some chick!"

"Sadie is a boy!" Pip said with a blush. "And besides, what do you care?" 'You never loved me, remember?' was left unsaid, but both parties were well aware of the presence of the unspoken words. Pip squatted down to pick up some of the fallen clothing.

"I don't care!"

"Well then fine! Leave me alone!" Pip completed picking up the heap and started folding it again. "I'm moving out and there's nothing you can do about it!"

For a moment, Pip thought he saw something like remorse overtaking Damien's dark expression. So, for a moment, Pip gave in and almost told Damien that he wasn't actually going to leave, and Pip almost got onto his knees and begged to fix things. But then, Damien started to glare, and he walked out of Pip's room in a huff. Pip slammed the door in return, hoping to convey the anger that he didn't really feel… but then collapsed in a miserable heap on the floor once Damien was totally out of sight.

But Damien walked back in a moment later, surprising Pip, who had just begun packing the last drawer of his dresser. "You know, it's not going to last! Sadie doesn't give a fuck about you, whoever the fuck he is."

"Yes, he does! I have never had anyone care as much as he does!"

"Not even me?"

Pip didn't answer. Of course Sadie hadn't done as much for Pip so far in their short friendship, but that didn't mean he didn't have the capacity to do so… right?

"Answer me!"

"Leave me alone. I am leaving. You blew it, Damien!" Pip yelled. On the inside, he wondered why he couldn't just give in and ask for Damien to take him back. That's what he would have done before he met Sadie, so why was it so different now? Why couldn't Pip just say what he really felt? He'd only known Sadie for a short amount of time, but had it really changed him this much?

"I blew it? _I blew it??? _Excuse me, Mr. All I Ever Do Is Whine About Myself, but I am not the one who BLEW IT!"

Pip didn't want to hear this. "Stop saying that," he whispered. "You left me…"

"Yeah, and it's your fault I left!"

Pip supposed it was all he deserved, really. "Fine. It was my fault. I'm a whiny, little loser, and you'd be better off if I just went. See? Now let me leave."

"No, don't put it like that… that's not what I meant…"

"Well, then what do you mean?" Pip asked softly. Wearily.

Damien left the room, but not before slamming Pip's door harshly. Pip wanted to be surprised that Damien hadn't stayed to talk it out with him. But, Pip couldn't be. He knew that Damien wasn't really interested in fixing anything. It really wasn't surprising that he could walk away from the remnants of the failed relationship so easily and quickly.

"I really am the one who blew it," Pip said to himself miserably.

**

* * *

**

Hell's Café the 122nd was looking dismal. At the moment, one of Hell's infrequent but super annoying weather phenomena was occurring: acid rain. The sulfur smell permeated everything, making everywhere feel at least a little disgusting. Not to mention, anything that wasn't being shielded by a specially made acid-repellant umbrella or other such barrier was being burnt, and no matter how fiery Hell was, acid burns were not among the burns that Hell's residents were able to cope with well. The café, whose owners had seemingly been too cheap to buy an acid tarp for, was quickly being covered with tiny burns and holes where the acid was making it's mark.

Pip had never really looked at the café before this, but it occurred to him now that not all the burn marks on the café were from this instance of acid rain. The marks couldn't have been, since there was acid rain at least every four months. The café had always been a beacon of hope for Pip. It's large red sign that proclaimed "The 122nd Best Meal In Hell!" had always beckoned Pip inside, and the pitchforks that adorned the door had consistently made him laugh and feel somewhat at home. But today, the sign looked menacing, and today, the pitchforks reminded Pip of his previous home. The acid rain pouring from the rocky sky only added to the dilapidated, run down, and frightening picture of Hell's Café the 122nd. When Pip first caught sight of the café, he didn't feel the least bit hopeful.

Had the café always looked this way?

Sadie was parked in the front parking lot. He'd brought his large, black pick-up truck to help load Pip's things. Sadie was lounging casually, his left arm lounging outside of the window holding a cigar that was conveniently being missed by the sulfuric rain that was pouring down throughout Hell. Pip hoisted his three bags up, glad for the umbrella that he'd had the forethought to snatch from his previous household, and shouted out a greeting.

"Pip! You're here, and right on time!" Sadie stepped out of the truck, and instantly yelped at the acidic downpour. Needless to say, Sadie got right back in to the safety of the truck.

"Do you want to share my umbrella?" Pip asked, although he wasn't sure how that was going to work. If he dropped his bags, they would get burned. "Or, maybe I'll just get this in the car and then we can go?"

"Get in, get in!"

Pip, though having a slightly difficult time maneuvering around his umbrella, finally shoved his bags into the back seat of the truck and was sitting comfortably inside the warm vehicle. The windshield wipers were faintly squeaking and the rain was pitter-pattering on the outside with seemingly less vengeance than it had been while Pip was outside. Sadie's car was definitely the safety net that Pip had been waiting for since he'd stepped outside of Satan's home.

"Is that seriously all your stuff?" Sadie asked, sounding a bit concerned.

"Yeah. I've really only got some clothes and some bathroom supplies."

"What about prized possessions? Stuffed animals? Books?"

Pip grinned morosely. "Sadie, haven't I told you that I lived in a box for years before Damien took me in? I don't have anything but some clothes he bought me during our stint." _Our years-long stint, _Pip couldn't help but think.

Sadie didn't say anything, and the two drove silently.

**

* * *

**

Sadie lived in a Hell-hole, or as he would call it, a Heaven-hole. There were drug addicts loitering around his street, graffiti covering the fences more than paint, hobos sleeping, and thugs roaming around. Pip was scared out of his mind. "Uh, Sadie? Are you sure this is the best place for you to be living?" Pip asked cautiously.

"You are being so fucking judgmental," Sadie snapped, effectively shutting Pip up. "These people are nice, normal people just like you and I."

"YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS BLUE! DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MAMMA!"

"YOU NIGGA! YOU SHOULD BE A SLAVE!"

"DON'T YOU CALL ME A NIGGA YOU WHITE SON OF A WHORE!"

Those were the thugs conversing in a nice, normal way. Pip was afraid, but Sadie was now a little irritated with him, so Pip didn't want to say anything else that might set him off. Sadie stopped the car in a rundown driveway with a little rundown house sitting right between a couple other rundown houses. Pip shuddered, but there was no turning back now. He and Damien would never be able to be together again, so this was Pip's only option unless he wanted to live on the streets.

Pip hoisted his two bags while trying to balance the umbrella between his arm and shoulder, since there were still a couple of random drops of acid falling from the sky. Sadie walked around the car and Pip was just about to happily offer that they share the umbrella when Sadie snatched it from his hands. "Gimme that," he muttered, and then walked into the house, leaving Pip to carry his heavy bags through the burning rain!

Pip felt like crying. He'd put Sadie in a bad mood and now Sadie was going to be mean to him. He hoped that there was at least an extra bed in Sadie's shabby little place on which he could sleep. He didn't want to have to sleep on the floor. _Although I suppose I could deal with it, _Pip thought.

He got two burns on his way into the front door; one on his hand and one on the top of his head.

And then he walked inside, and Pip had a sudden mood change. The outside looked like shit, but once you got inside, everything changed! The entranceway opened up to the kitchen on the left, which was a modern kitchen with shiny white counters and shiny white appliances. Past that, Pip could see a large room, presumably the living room, that was separated from the kitchen by a bar but accessible through the entrance hallway. Pip dropped his bags at his feet and walked into that large room, finding himself in a sizable entertainment center – two Plasma TV's, a foosball set, a couch that was long and had a 90 degree angle in the middle of it, large windows, and all the space one needed and more.

"Like my place?" Sadie asked as he walked in from a random doorway (there were five in total in the living room).

"Wow, this is awesome!" Pip said happily.

"Yeah, I get by," Sadie said with a smile. "Wanna see where you'll be staying?" At Pip's nod Sadie walked back through the entrance hall and Pip realized that there was a set of stairs opposite from the entrance to the kitchen. Pip ascended them behind Sadie and found upstairs a long hallway with many doors, which presumably all had things in them.

"This is like a mansion," Pip said with awe.

"Well yeah. Did you really think I lived in a real shithole?"

Pip had no answer for it.

They walked four doors down before Sadie said, "Here's your room!" and opened a door on the left.

It was a normal room, but it was definitely bigger than the room Pip and Damien had been sharing before. There was a huge four-poster bed with dark forest green curtains in the middle of the room, a plush rug set down overtop of a dark wood floor, and a fireplace off to the left with a beautiful forest green mantelpiece that matched the colors of the bed. It was such a beautiful room. Pip didn't feel like he had the right to be here!

"Uhm… are you sure this one's mine?" Pip asked doubtfully.

"Pip, you live in my house now. What's mine is yours. Damn Pip, this whole place is yours now!"

And for the first time in a long time, Pip really smiled. Fuck Damien, Pip decided. Sadie was nice and generous, and Pip would move on from that blasted relationship no matter what it took!

**

* * *

**

Wow dudes. It's been so long! So, so long… but I finally completed chapter 6! I am trying to get back in the groove of South Park fanfiction, so it's possible I will get the next chapter out quick, but I can't make any promises. Sorry I'm such a shitty updater!


	7. And Sadie's Formal Name Is

I'm a bit disappointed, guys… you all sent me so many reviews saying how much you loved this story BEFORE I posted chapter 6, and then I get so few once I finally update! Perhaps I've really been forgotten… haha. Well, I got five reviews, and that's not so bad. Some of my best reviewers too. Anyways, I cranked this chapter out quick! Super inspiration I tell you! Onward. By the way, I think I forgot to disclaim the last chapter, but who cares…

**Chapter 7 – Sadie's Formal Name Is….**

There had been a full house tour upon Pip's new residency, of course. Sadie had a lot of bedrooms, a kitchen, a parlor, an entertainment center, and a dining room. In addition, it turned out that Sadie had a swimming pool, a library, and a racquetball court. Sadie also had an additional room that Pip wasn't allowed to enter – yet, Sadie said.

"Wow. You live in this place all by yourself?" Pip asked with wonder once the two had settled down in the living room/entertainment megaplex. The touring had lasted at least three hours, and both undeads were worn out.

"Oh dear God no! And when I say dear God I really mean that I want to kick his balls. No, there are servants and maids and all who come every Monday and Thursday to clean, but also, besides them, I have a companion who lives here with me. He should be coming home any minute, actually. He usually arrives around now."

It was that moment that Pip heard an indistinct, far off slamming, as if the front door had been shut with force, or at least very carelessly. "In here, boy!" Sadie yelled.

"Coming!" The voice was squeaky and sharp, as if from a small but confident body. Pip's guess was right. The boy who entered the room had the build of person who could crawl through ventilation shafts and shimmy through narrow passageways. His tan hair matched his dark brown boots and belt, which he wore with an off-white pair of pants and loose white top, both of which were semi-obscured by a too-large forest green vest. He was clutching a brown messenger bag and appeared to be very dirty – to Pip, he looked kind of like a street kid from the Medieval Times.

"Perry, I'd like you to meet our newest guest – Pip Pirrup. Just died a little bit ago, not even a year is that correct?" Sadie asked, looking towards the Brit.

"Oh yes, I am quite new," Pip muttered, feeling embarrassed but not sure why.

The boy named Perry smiled mischievously. "Awful nice to meet you. May I shake your hand?"

Pip wasn't sure if he could trust Perry's dangerous smirk. "Uhm, well, I guess," Pip mumbled, hoping Sadie would rescue him if Perry set off a bomb in his hand or something. Pip stood up to meet him and they clutched hands.

Perry grinned and made full eye contact with Pip. His eyes were an entrancing green and for a moment, Pip thought he might become hypnotized. And then they broke apart, as if nothing happened, and Pip sat back down, feeling very relieved that the encounter had ended.

"So boss, I found out that –"

"Shut up!" Sadie hissed towards the boy. "We have a guest."

"But I thought –"

"You thought wrong."

Pip felt in the way all of a sudden. "Sadie, if I'm in the way, you really don't have to let me stay – you know I'll leave, and I can find my own place, I know this is really sudden and I didn't realize that Perry would be here and that I would be in the way so much!"

"Oh nonsense!" Perry said. "You're great. It's all my fault anyways. I take it you've been showed throughout the house?"

"ShowN," Sadie said, grimacing. "You never did understand proper English."

"I'll shown you," Perry muttered under his breath. "I thought you was Iraqi anyways, what business do you got knowing English so darn well?"

_Iraqi…_

And that's when it hit Pip like a very large moving projectile that he'd just moved in with Saddam Hussein. "You're S-S-Saddam Hussein!"

"Real smart one you've got here," Perry said sarcastically. "Oh yes. He could outsmart a gorilla if he tried. You've hit jackpot this time, boss!"

Pip wasn't really listening to Perry's sarcasm. He'd jumped up and started slowly backing away, and then he decided to _screw it! _and just run. But then, his escape was thwarted. Large metal blockades came down from the ceiling around the entire entertainment center living room, and Pip, his fast momentum getting the better of him, smacked right into the barrier. "Oh fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, both from the pain and the knowledge that he was trapped in a room with one of the living world's most infamous tyrants (and a kid who seemed to have been picked up off the streets, although he wasn't quite as big of a threat).

"Pip, please, don't be this way," Sadie beseeched. "Yes, you're right, I am Saddam Hussein, but it really doesn't change anything! I'm still the same person! I still think you're awesome!"

Pip stood up shakily. "Y-you've killed people," he said accusingly.

"So have you."

Sadie was right, of course. Pip had set off the bomb on Adam's space station and trapped a lot of people in a place worse than Hell itself. It was probably considered worse than killing, actually.

"But… but you were a dictator! You hurt Iraqis, your own people! You tried to take over the WORLD!"

"And you think that Jesus didn't? You think that the people with whom you've been acquainted aren't supreme rulers themselves? I am just a normal person who happened to come into power, and although I made a few enemies, I never did anything wrong. You can't fault me, Pip, for realizing the power of my new position and using it to dominate the world – to CREATE a better world. You would do the same. All humans would do the same! I was trying to create a superior place for the people I loved, and now Pip, you are one of the people I love. Please, don't be fooled by those idiots Jesus and God and Damien and, ughghg, Satan, into thinking that I am some sort of evil man. I am just a man trying to use his power to help the people he loves, like you, and Perry, and my family, who are still alive on Earth to this day."

Pip felt his knees collapse and he fell to the floor without effort. "But Satan and Jesus and Damien are all good people! I have heard them discuss the evil things you did – the terrible ways you've hurt Satan! And I was there when you tried to take over the world while I was in the third grade. I am almost certain you were evil!"

"Please, Pip, in the third grade, of course what I was doing would have seemed evil! But that doesn't change the fact that I was doing it all for the good of Satan, because at that time I cared a lot about him, and then he repaid me by breaking it off with me! Pip, you've got to understand – Satan and Damien are two peas from the same pod. If you do something great for them, they always find a fault in it! And then, they try to discredit you in front of everyone you care about! You can't tell me Damien treated you right. Satan didn't treat me right either!" Sadie sounded very logical to Pip, actually.

"But… does that mean they've lied to me? When they tell me that they're… good? When I help them achieve things, am I achieving evil?" Pip asked, feeling suddenly queasy. Could it really be true? Had he been on the wrong side all along?

"Yes! They are all elitist bastards trying to bring down the blue-collar workers like me, Adam, the city of Sodom, Goliath, and many more hardworking people of the sort. They try to make us look bad when really, all we're doing is helping people we love. Adam was trying to protect Lily, whom he knew was in danger because of that bastard Satan; Goliath had a wife and kids back home in the Philistines and was only killing to pay the bills! There are numerous other cases of this – Delilah, whose family was threatened if she didn't seduce Samson; Cain, who was overcome with an emotion that God himself gave to him, and got punished anyway; King Herod, who had the story twisted around on him so it made it look like he was trying to kill Jesus when really he was giving Jesus gold, frankincense, and myrrh in multiple shipments!"

It was hard to believe, but after the way that Damien had treated him, Pip was able to understand how Damien and his family could do these things to nice, normal people. Pip got himself up, dusted off imaginary dust, and walked over to where Sadie and Perry were standing at attention.

"So… I've been lied to," Pip said, feeling as if he had finally understood some hidden truth. "All this time, Jesus and Satan and God have been working together to dishonor people who were doing what they had to do to save loved ones, and then all three of them laugh at the others' pain."

"Why of course you have!" Sadie exclaimed. "God and Satan on the same side? Heaven and Hell working together? What is this world coming to? It's as if it doesn't matter who's in power, because either way it will turn out how they want it to. They're the Empire Pip, and we're the Rebels."

It all made sense now! Pip voiced as much. "This is all coming together! But what can we do about them? How do we stop them? Can we? We can't let them hurt more people!"

Perry grinned devilishly, and answered in Sadie's place. "Well, now that we've got inside knowledge of their mansion, I'd say it will be pretty easy to bring 'em down," Perry said with a dangerous edge.

**

* * *

**

"There has been a great disturbance in existence," God said suddenly from His Heavenly office, in which He been organizing papers only moments before. A chill had suddenly gone through Him, a chill that told Him something grand and terrible had just happened – but what was it? "I must go talk to Jesus and Satan at once!"

God cancelled all His appointments for that afternoon and caught the One Way Express to Hell at 2:15.

**Tbc**

By the by, all, I promise! promise! promise! that next chapter will be longer. I've said that so many times, and then I always end up making the next chapter shorter, but I swear that this one just felt right to end here, so I had to. Next one will likely be long because there will be a lot to cover. I think. Anyways, review? You guys kind of disappointed me last chapter but you can make it up to me now hahahahhaa....


	8. A Big Decision

I got a bunch of awesome reviews! Thanks! Oh my gosh, one of you pointed out that I made Pip say "asshole" instead of "arsehole" and wow, I can't believe I did that! Oops. From now on he'll say arsehole. I might go back and change it or something. But who knows… I don't really know how to do that haha.

Also, haha. I don't even remember what was supposed to happen in this chapter. I wrote like, the first half of it, then got a new computer and I've just now bothered to transfer everything months later, so it's been a while. Going off what I wrote and what I named the chapter, I improvised.

Disclaimer: Please don't kill me for how long this took!

* * *

**Chapter 08 – A Big Decision**

_**Pip's Log**_

_Saturday, September 19__th__:_

_7:00 AM: arrived for lookout duty_

_7:16: Satan leaves for work_

_7:34: Jesus leaves for Heaven_

_7:35: Mary Magdalene takes out trash (only a Saturday thing, I think)_

_8:01: Damien goes outside, walks behind manor._

_10:23: Damien walks outside, presumably he went back inside at somepoint? What is he doing anyway? _

_10:24: Damien goes back in after looking around for a minute_

_10:46: John Lennon walks dog. Wait, (((__we)__)) they have a new dog?_

_11:10: Peter leaves with fishing pole._

_(((11:11__: I make a wish that Damien will love me again)))_

_11:12: John returns, shouts, "Here boy, good boy Richard!" so I assume the dog is named Richard_

_11:45: Damien goes outside, walks down the path towards town_

_12:19: Damien returns with some sort of food. I'm kinda hungry…_

_1:00: I almost faint from hunger_

_1:09: I hear loud music from inside_

_3:56: Satan returns_

_4:59: Jesus returns, is that God in tow? It's hard to tell with Him!_

_7:23: Peter returns with fish. They look tasty, although raw. Sushi?_

_7:30: I get entirely too bored, hungry, and tired to continue look-out duty even though I'm supposed to be on til 9:00._

"You left before duty was over?" Sadie asked, taking in Pip's miserable looking state. He snatched the log from Pip's hand, read it over, then snarled. "God damn it! There is nothing useful on here! Did you do anything except sit in front of the house all day and observe? Did you investigate at all?"

Saddam's anger was palpable, and Pip shivered. "Sadie, it didn't seem important… I was doing that before and not finding out anything, and then almost getting caught! It was a waste. Better to just observe from the front and make sure we get a good sense of their regular comings and goings!"

"Are you presuming to know how to do this better than I do?"

"Uhm, no, I'm just saying – "

"Then you can shut your face and DO WHAT I TELL YOU! If I tell you to try to investigate further, you know what you do? YOU GODDAMN INVESTIGATE FURTHER!"

Pip nodded, looking reprimanded. It wasn't even that Pip had realized he was doing something wrong – it was really more that Saddam was yelling so. Yelling made Pip break down and internalize his feelings. Truthfully, he was a little resentful, a lot scared, and mostly miserable. _I miss Damien. I miss Damien. I miss Damien. He looked nice today. Nice black pants complimented his –_

"And you do NOT wish that Damien loved you again!" Sadie said after looking at the paper again and noticing a particular crossed-out line on the log.

"It was an accident, I meant to write something else –"

"Don't even pull that! Get out of my sight. I can't stand being around incompetent people."

And with that bright note, Pip made himself disappear.

Saddam had undergone a dramatic change since revealing his true identity to Pip. Pip could barely remember the days a couple months ago when Sadie was nice to him. Saddam had started snapping at him over everything. Sometimes the old Sadie popped up and gave Pip a pat on the head or a congratulations, or even a, "Nice shirt." But mostly, it was rudeness and aloofness. Pip had come to the realization that he'd been conned big time, but what was he to do now? He'd chosen sides, and now he was on Saddam's side. Damien would never take him back; the family would never forgive him; now Pip had SPIED on them, so of course they would never accept him back into their lives.

And besides, Perry was alright. Perry was nice to him at least.

"Are you alright?"

Pip looked up from his desk as Perry entered the room that Pip had begun inhabiting. "Oh. Hi Perry. I'm fine, how are you?"

Perry grinned. "Oh, I'm better than fine. Guess what?"

"What?"

Perry paused dramatically, reached into a plastic bag, and conjured up a movie. "_Spaceballs!_"

"Space-whats?"

Perry gave him a dirty glare. "Seriously, Pip? You don't know _Spaceballs_?"

Pip stood up from his desk with a helpless shrug. "I'm sorry, I've kind of lived in a box my whole life."

"Must have been one confining box," Perry muttered, pushing the movie into Pip's DVD player and settling down on the bed as if it were his own. Perry didn't really know the truth about Pip's life during his actual lifetime, and Pip was just fine with keeping it that way. Pip sat on the bed as well, his back to the headrest, with Perry sitting companionably next to him.

Pip watched the movie in utter silence. He did not laugh even during the funniest parts, but he attributed that to the fact that he really wasn't paying attention at all. Perry, on the other hand, was hysterical and laughing uproariously. "PIP! Did you see that?"

Pip looked over at his companion and nodded, which was enough for Perry to go back to the movie.

Then, without Pip really noticing, the movie ended, and the room went dark as Perry turned off the TV. "Did you like it?" Perry asked quietly.

"Uhm. It was… alright. I'm more into documentaries, really," Pip muttered.

"Oh. Like _Bowling for Columbine?"_

Pip, who had lied about liking documentaries, hadn't the slightest idea what Perry was talking about. "Oh, yeah. Sure. That one was good."

"And _Brokeback Mountain_?"

"Yeah, I liked that documentary too," Pip replied dishonestly. _I hope these are actually documentaries…_

"HAH! You liar. _Brokeback Mountain_ is so not a documentary. I bet you don't even watch any movies, do you?" Perry asked. Pip was suddenly very aware of how close Perry was on the bed next to him. He sighed.

"Okay, you got me. I have never really watched any movies before, and I never really cared about them. And I didn't really pay any attention to this one. I'm sorry," Pip murmured, turning his face away. The room was dark, though, so it wasn't like Perry could see his face anyways.

"It's okay," Perry replied. Was it just Pip's imagination, or was Perry scooting closer to him?

"Erm… so, how are you?" Pip asked, not sure why it was suddenly so uncomfortable in the room.

"I'm really good," Perry replied in a stage whisper. His hand was on Pip's arm. "How are you?"

"I-I'm fine," Pip responded about as loudly.

"You know Pip, I _really_ like you," Perry whispered. When Pip made no response, Perry rearranged himself so that he was on top of Pip, straddling his waist. "And you know what? I think you like me a little bit too," he breathed huskily before covering Pip's lips with his own and pushing Pip's head up against the headboard.

For a moment, Pip didn't know what to do. No one besides Damien had ever kissed him. Should he kiss back? It wasn't as though Damien was ever going to love him again, and Perry seemed to be a pretty good kisser. _Besides, he actually likes me. People don't really like me all that much. Maybe I should just…_

And then he heard Damien's voice in his head. _"Stay here!"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I love you!"_

Pip pushed Perry away from him hastily. "No! I'm- I'm sorry Perry! Please don't!"

Perry grumbled in the dark room from his spot in front of the Pip on the bed. "You've been flirting with me this whole time, you tease!"

Pip was quite certain he hadn't done anything of the sort. "Why, I have no idea what you're talking abo-"

Perry pushed him up against the headboard again. "Tell me you don't want me," he said gutturally, placing wet, open-mouthed kisses all over Pip's face. "C'mon, Pip, tell me you don't want _this…"_

"I-I-I don't! I'm in love with Damien!" Pip managed to sputter out, although he was so flustered he wasn't sure how. Perry stopped kissing him.

"You're… what?"

Pip used the delay in kisses to push Perry fully off of him. "I said, I'm in love with Damien."

"If you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of an operation that is trying to bring him and his father down," Perry said snappishly.

"I know," Pip said sadly. "I don't know what to do now. I'm trapped, and Damien hates me now, but it doesn't matter, because I'm in love with him, and I can't do things like this with anyone else."

"Pip…" Perry sounded gentler now. "Pip, the guy treated you wrongly."

"But I was in the wrong too. I was acting selfishly, not understanding how much he loved me. I was pushing him away and making life difficult for him. I- I know he could have handled it better," Pip admitted, "but that doesn't change the fact that I still care deeply for him. And even if he'll never love me again now that I've left him and joined up with Saddam Hussein, it doesn't even matter. What matters is that I'm in love with him, and always will be."

"What will you do when the time comes to turn a weapon on him!" Perry asked angrily. "What happens when you have to really betray him? Huh? Pip, there's no way he'll ever take you ba–"

"I DON'T CARE IF HE HATES ME FOR ETERNITY!" Pip yelled, the anger from the situation causing him to stand up next to the bed. "I won't do it, Perry! I won't betray him! And you can go tell Sadie and Sadie will probably do his worst to me, but you know what? I don't care! Do what you want! I have made my decision!"

The silence was deafening, and Pip could do nothing but breathe heavily and wait for Perry to say something. But finally, he responded. "I won't tell Sadie," he said. "But I will tell you – Damien's gone. I'm the only one you've got now, and if you won't have me, you won't have anyone." Perry then stood up from the bed as well and walked around it to stand next to Pip. "I hope you come around soon," he breathed into Pip's ear, gave it a chaste kiss, and then walked out of the room, leaving Pip alone in the darkness.

* * *

Uh… I don't know what to say. I think Perry's pretty sexy, actually. But don't worry, our cute little Pip is definitely going to stay faithful. :D


End file.
